It’s like going to the dentist when you were very young 
and getting your tooth pulled out-
Sharp and numb. 
My body limp and mind wandering-
maybe they’ll come back again and 
say they miss me. 
Maybe they’ll come back and break me 
down once more. 

Numb, I feel so numb.

I draw my bath and wait for the water to come spewing out
Ready to slip deep into a wet slumber, 
wash away all the stress of today.
I wish that all my problems could be solved by just one bath, 
but it’s impossible.

Every little piece of you is falling to 
tiny-
little-
bits.
The bitter bits and the happy glorified bits.
Each day passes just like the last one, 
with regret and despair.

Maybe, just maybe…
you’ll look deep inside your soul and notice and watch what
bits you left with me-
tender, damaged bits.

I want to feel your tongue along my skin, 
Your hands stroking my soft, but bruised leg.
Lips pressed hard against mine, letting them get to know each other. 
Our chests adjacent, 
Body heat- warm and seeping through.
Your heart beating continuously and rapidly, 
while my mind is kept hot and heavy.
Lets explore each other, 
like we’ve never been touched and studied before.

It’s nights like this that let me get all caught up in thought. 
That eagerness to sleep, but there’s something that’s holding 
me back… maybe it was the caffeine I had and an hour ago or 
maybe it’s just my 
own mind wanting me to explore it at 2 in the morning. 
I feel weightless but sore, 
dull but not.
Little things letting me get tangled and distracting me from whats real. 


I need

rest.

That moment where everything is just a sudden blur.
Throat beings to swell up and
Words try to form, but all that comes spewing out is a gasp for air.
Heart beating fast, feeling ready to explode any minute now.
Tears streaming down my cheeks to the tip of my chin.
My teeth clench and this feeling overwhelms my whole body and being.
Please just let this be the end of this sudden and quick, but long attack.

The memories of you are kept in
the darkest part of my mind.
My once beating heart is now made of wood.
Daisies no longer grow in my hair.
The smiles I use to have now 
fade along with the rest of me. 
I am nothing but washed out tones of 
pinks, yellows, reds, and blacks. 
My daisies are perished,

and so is our souls.

Tonight I was thinking of the way 
you tucked me into bed with your
soft voice,
but that was long ago.
You use to leave me little kisses on my 
forehead and smile your crooked smile, 
oh how you killed me so kindly and softly.
I think about those sad eyes, how deep
brown they are and how we would
exchange looks and laugh.
How you make me smile and how you  
make me sigh and cry-
But that was long ago.

There’s ghosts in my walls-
Skeletons in my closet,
and my memories barried beneath my soul.
My head is the barrier,
while my mind is at war with my own sanity and sins.
My eyes are the telescopes seeing into the future,
and my lips are the spoken words that I regret saying.
There are demons lurking through my windows and angels singing mercy above my head.